Big Name Fan
by Perhin
Summary: Frodo discovers fanfiction and becomes a BNF.
1. Excessive Giggles

Frodo had been giggling madly inside his bedroom all  
afternoon. Sometimes you couldn't hear him, and then  
there would be high pitched wails of laughter coming  
from behind the closed door. Sam and Rosie had tried  
to ignore their friend. Luckily, Elanor was with the  
Gamgees for the day, so there wasn't a crying babe to  
add to the noise.

Another fit of giggles floated down the hall. Sam  
sighed. His wife rolled her eyes, and motioned for him  
to see what Frodo was laughing about. As Sam walked to  
Frodo's room, the giggles grew louder and more  
annoying. Sam opened the bedroom door, to see Frodo  
propped on his bed with his new laptop on his lap.

Middle-earth had recently connected with Earth, which  
in turn had brought telephones, electricity, and  
computers to Arda. Ever since then, Frodo would lock  
himself in his room with his computer.

Many lines ran from the laptop to the outlets near  
by, which looked like a fire hazard to Sam. Frodo  
looked at Sam and said," Hello, Sam! Finally decided  
to see what I've been carrying on about?"

"Yes!" Sam replied. "You've practically scared  
everyone in Hobbiton with your laughing."

"Not so, Sam. If you only knew what I've been laughing  
about, you might join in."

Sam cocked a brow. "And what exactly have you been  
laughing at then?"

Frodo smiled. "Fanfiction."

"Fan-what?"

"Fanfiction. It's just what the name means. People in  
Earth write stories about things that they are fans  
about."

"Well that doesn't seem too funny."

Frodo patted the space next to him on the bed. "Come  
here, Sam. "Sam sat next to his friend and looked at  
the screen. It was a huge jumble of text in bright  
yellow, and Sam had to squint to read any of it.

"How can you read any of this!"

"Practice." Frodo put the page to the bottom and  
brought another up. "This is the Library of Moria. Odd  
name isn't it?" Sam nodded. "It's one of the places  
that has the most ridiculous stories. "

"Now, Frodo, pardon me, but it's not nice to be making  
fun of people's writin'."

"Yes, but you should read some of this!" Frodo looked  
at Sam. "Let me ask you this: Have you ever thought of  
Merry and Pippin together?"

"Together? They seem more or less attached as it is."

"No. I mean like males and females together."

Sam looked at Frodo as if he had three heads. "No!"

"Well, these people on Earth write stories like that.  
Some of them are actually pretty good, but some are  
just insane. Like this one,"-Frodo hovered the arrow  
over a link-", it's about Merry and Pippin in  
Insenguard, and they are together with Sauruman."

"What!"

"Oh and here's another where Merry ties Pippin up and  
has his way with him. Oddly enough, I rather enjoyed  
that one."

"Frodo!" Sam's eyes were sky high. Frodo just laughed.

"They also write about you and me."

Sam scooted away from Frodo. "They write about us?"

"Mmmhhmm…They write about everybody. There are more  
sites than this. There is Books of  
Bagend, LiveJournal communities-"

"There are even LiveJournal communities! Wait, you  
post at LiveJournal?"

Frodo rolled his eyes playfully. "Yes. I would have  
used my name, but it had all ready been taken. Your   
name, too. Do you know how many variations of 'Frodo'  
people have created? It's unreasonable." He shifted  
towards Sam. Frodo laughed as Sam moved farther away,  
almost off the bed. "I like the communities," He  
continued. "I once tried telling someone how I really  
would have done something, but they didn't believe I  
was the 'real' Frodo." He frowned. "They become  
really mad if you tell them how something really would  
have happened. I would not have tricked you into  
coming into my bedroom." Sam sighed at that. "I would  
have dragged you there."

Sam let out a scream. He moved once more, causing  
himself to finally fall off the bed. Frodo grinned and  
offered his hand.

"Sam, I was only joking!

"That's nothin' to be joking about, Frodo!" Sam  
grabbed Frodo's hand, hoping he wouldn't rip his  
clothes off. "Were these people smoking that new weed  
Merry and Pippin found?"

Frodo shook his head. "No. Would you believe me if I  
told you most of these stories are written by women?"  
He giggled at Sam's shocked face. "I tried to find  
one written by a male. It took me a while. Oh, and  
there are stories about Gimli and Legolas as well. "

Sam looked as though he'd be sick. He left the room  
Frodo's laughter floating down the hall behind him.

"Well, what is it?" Rosie asked with her hands on her  
hips. "First Frodo's giggling and now you're a  
screamin'! If you behave like this when Elanor is home  
I'll have a switch at both of you!"

"He's reading fanfiction!" Sam cringed when he heard  
more high pitched wails from the bedroom."About Merry  
and Pippin a-and Legolas and Gimli and me with Frodo!  
Aghh!" He left his wife standing there looking at him  
as if he was a fool and went outside. Sam walked a bit  
in the garden, wondering if he should plant those  
roses tomorrow or not when he was called to Frodo's  
window.

"Sam! Sam, come here!"

"If you're showing me more of that filth then I'm not  
comin'!"

Frodo just smiled. He put his laptop on the window  
sill and turned it to face Sam. This time Frodo's  
page showed crazy girl wrote about me having a sister who  
falls in love with Legolas." Frodo stuck his tongue  
out. "He's at least three and a half feet taller than  
her. I wonder what Kim would look like. This is one  
of the few stories where the girl is isn't described  
over and over again. It just says she has blue eyes  
like that Elijah fellow. "

"So?" said Sam. "Am I supposed to be impressed that  
this isn't about me and my Gaffer going at each other  
like rabbits. "

Frodo smirked and turned his head away.

"What! You mean there's stories like that! It was  
just something I said!"

"It's called incest. I wonder why no one talks about  
incest with Merry and Pippin. They are cousins. And my  
cousins. And everyone's cousins." He sat there for a  
moment thinking of people who he was related to until  
Sam coughed. "Oh. Anyway read the first few lines of  
this!"

Sam did as he was told and frowned. "Why do they have  
to keep talking about how she's an orphan, even though  
it is a sad thing?"

Frodo shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. It's  
seems popular to be an orphan. I prefer the stories  
they call 'smut' than this. " Frodo took the computer  
of Sam's reach. A dinging noise came from the machine  
making Frodo smile.

"Merry is on. " He typed, with dingings throughout.

"Merry says you should read some of the fanfiction  
about you and Rosie."-ding-"He rather likes  
it"-ding-"And he wants you to know-"-ding-"- 'Merry  
says sorry for the grammar error. He wants you to know  
that he also fancies the stories of you and yourself."  
Frodo giggled at this last remark. Sam glared at his  
friend. He was red in the face and became redder from  
the giggles.

"You know he said that to bother you."

Sam marched away from the window. Not only did Frodo  
have to bother him about the writings but Merry too.  
Pippin would be annoying him soon. What would Rosie  
think? Sam decided she wouldn't like it and that he  
shouldn't tell her the finer points of the  
conversation.

Inside, Rosie was holding her child who just had  
arrived home. The woman glared at Sam, daring him to  
make a sound and to hit Frodo if he even grinned.

Frodo tip-toed down the hall, wary of Rosie's new  
rules, into the parlor with his laptop. He turned the  
volume down. Making sure Sam was out of sight, he  
opened a new document and began to write.


	2. Squee

**This chapter has a IM conversation, but because of the rules, you'll have to read it on my site.**

Clicky, clicky, click…BANG!

"Frodo, what are you doing?" Rosie stood in the parlor's doorway. She had her apron on and she had obviously been interrupted from her cooking.

"I am sorry, Rosie, but you won't believe how many words Microsoft Word does not except! They don't even except 'hobbits' half the time." Frodo was wearing on of Rosie's hair pins to keep his hair back. His eyes were red from lack of sleep and he held a large cup of tea.

"That's no excuse for bangin' on your computer like that. Now be quiet or I'll send you outside!"

Frodo nodded and turned back to his laptop. After reading so many stories on the Internet, Frodo was compelled to write his own. But what to write? Oddly enough, he was addicted to slash.

"_I'm not homosexual. I know I'm not. But I can't stop reading it!"_

He enjoyed reading stories of himself alone in weird places being friendly with… himself. He liked Monaboyd, though he couldn't read fics of his cousins without thinking that Merry was behind him, or that Pippin was going to cut his DSL line. Frodo once was midway into a story about Sam and he screamed when Sam asked him what he was doing.

"I'm doing NOTHING! Go away!"

It reminded him of the time Rosie caught him looking at porn.

"I'm looking at NOTHING! Pippin showed it to me; just go away!"

Frodo huddled himself in the corner in a huge armchair. He made sure no one could look at his computer screen and he glared when someone came close. He especially didn't want anyone to read his story unfinished. No, wait. He especially didn't want anyone who wasn't a stranger on the Internet to read his story finished or not.

"_They really should make an edition of Word for Middle-earth,"_ Frodo thought as he continued typing.

**Dominic opened his eyes. On top of him was Billy; his arms wrapped around him protectively. Billy was wheezing lightly and he had a small smile on his lips. Dominic pushed back his partner's now long hair and whispered, "Billy, it's time to wake up."**

**Billy wined in protest and held on tighter to Dom. Grinning, Dominic kissed Billy's head. **

**"Come on, Bills. I think there is pizza left over from last night."**

**"We did something besides fuck last night?" Billy muttered. He sat up and blinked sleepily at Dominic. **

**Dom laughed. "We don't have to eat right now you know?"**

**"I know." Billy kissed-**

"Frodo?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"Could you help me with somethin' on the computer?" Frodo nodded and closed his laptop. He fallowed Sam into the library where the family PC was.

"I need help with this." Sam pointed to the screen. It was LiveJournal.

"I didn't know you were a member, Sam!" Frodo grinned.

"I joined today. I need help customizing it."

For the next hour or so, Sam's layout was not longer in the default one, but a nice green with a yellow design in the back. Frodo explained all of the basics and common HTML tags.

"What's your name, Frodo? I thought I'd add you."

If he gave Sam his name, he'd see his fanfics, and then he'd know that he actually enjoyed slash. "It's red underscore drigon. But, be warned there might be some things in my journal that you might not like."

"Like what?"

"N-nothing." Frodo smiled. He would just post his stories in communities instead of his journal. Safe enough. And that he did. Frodo posted to communities such as Under the Kilt (for Billy fanatasies) and DOMinated Boyd (for the obvious) and Secretly Slash (for secret slashing).

Not only did Frodo get a lot of action in his journal, pun intended, but his cousins as well for being the BNF's Living Friends.

"Frodo," Pippin said one Sunday. "People in your journal think I am a girl!"

"Why is that?" Frodo looked at the phone in an odd manner.

"You're male right?" Cruntching sounds came after that; it was brunch.

"Last time I checked, yes. "

"All of these girls seem to think you fancy lads and that Merry and I are your lesbian girl friends with whom you go shopping with."

"WHAT? I like lasses! I know I do! I always have! Why do they think I am a gay hobbit?"

"They think you're a gay _human_ from Earth living in a place called Seatlle."

Frodo was awestuck. Him? A human? And gay? No!

"And I said to HobbitChick, 'Why do you think we're girls?' and she said, "Duh, your names are Merry and Pervinca', and I said, "No, my sister is Pervinca. I'm Pippin," and she said, "Well, I've heard of this Elgato gal whose name is Merry and she's a girl'. She just wouldn't listen. "

"When did this happen?"

"On instant messenging fifteen minutes ago."

"Well tell her that I like GIRLS!"

Rosie stopped dusting in the hallway. She looked for a moment, shook her head, and continued with her work.

"Rosie, did Frodo just say that he likes girls?" Sam had a bit of toast in his hand. He had apparently come from the kitchen.

"Yes, he did. Now, go in there and make him be quiet before he wakes Elanor! I have work to do!"

Sam sat down next to Frodo on the sofa perplexed. Frodo continued to yell into the phone, saying things like" I do not like to sew!" and "Yes, I told you I like that part of the body!" until he slammed it on the floor and shouted, "Bye, Pippin!" before putting the phone on its receiver.

He stood and said, "Well, Sam, I have some news for you."

"What is that, Frodo?"

"I am bisexual. I think I'll go for a walk. Bye, Sam." He walked out of the room and straight to the garden path, leaving Sam dropping his toast into the floor.


	3. Wonderfully Made Graphics

_**Current Mood:** Pissed-Off  
**Current Music:** Me banging my head on my desk, wondering why people think I'm a girl. _

_Why do you people think I'm a girl? I'm not. I'm not a girl, and I don't live in Seattle and I do not work at "The Filed Nail" manicurist shop. I am older than most of you. In fact I'm old enough to be your father, and **that's** something I don't want to think about. _

Frodo smiled in satisfaction at his update to his journal. The e-mails would be coming soon and the annoying instant messages would be, too. Frodo made a mental note to remove his IM information from his LiveJouranl user info. Wait.Everyone knew his IM information. He'd simply have to create a new name.

Ever since his last phone call with Pippin, he was now being referred to as Frodetta. Even Folco and Freddy were calling him that. He said it was fine, only if he was a masculine woman. Merry and Pippin agreed to this, and received their own feminine names: Meredith and Penelope l'ouvriSre couturiSre, or Peleope the Seamstress. Merry was taking an online course in French.

The next day, Sam came into the parlor to find Frodo sitting on the opposite side of the room from his computer drinking tea slowly.

"I never knew you'd stop playing on that thing."

"They are hunting me!" Frodo said in a hoarse whisper.

"Who?"

"My fangirls. When KiwiGurl sent me a voice recording of her saying squee' I had to get off." He was shaking and his tea cup and saucer were rattling. "I need..coffee." He got up quickly and shoved the tea into Sam's hands. Samwise set the teacup on a table and fallowed Frodo into kitchen.

"Rosie's not going to like you messing in her kitchen," Sam said. Frodo was opening all of the cabinets to find them coffee-free. He opened all of the containers, but they only held flour and sugar. The caffeine-high Hobbit went down into the cellar.

"We only have ale and tea to drink!? Don't we have any coffee?" Frodo called.

"I thought you hated coffee!"

"Well, now I like it! It's the only thing keeping me sane! Those girls are awful!"

Sam continued to watch Frodo search the kitchen. Maybe he should "lose" the computer for a while, and then magically find it one of the guest bedroom's wardrobes. Or perhaps the next time Pippin came over he could break it, or Elanor could bite on it(she was teething) and ruin the buttons as so where Frodo couldn't tell what the letters were. Wait... was it good for babies to chew on electronics? Best to ask Rosie, Sam decided.

A loud _clang_ interrupted his train of thought; it was fallowed by shouts. Sam shook his head. Rosie and Frodo were having an argument. As Sam had guessed, Rosie _did not_ enjoy the fact that Frodo was tearing her kitchen apart.

"I just want some coffee!"

"You don't have to ruin my kitchen for it"

"It's _my_ kitchen! I lived here first!"

"Well, now I live here, and I'm the one who cleans it, cooks in it, and bathes Elanor in it!"

"I still can't figure out why you must wash the baby in here. There are two bathtubs in the smail-"

"She's too small to be bathed in those! You're such a man!"

"Man? I am a Hobbit!"

"It's an expression!"

Sam sighed and left the room. He was almost to the door when Frodo's computer let out a soft ding'. It continued to do that for some time, and Sam crossed the room in three short steps flipped open the laptop and gasped. Five, no, six instant message conversations where blinking. He decided to see what these girls where bothering his friend about.

The first one was in bright fuschia and was in an annoying font, and Sam had to squint to see what was being said.

**KISSMEYEAH:**Like, hi!  
**KISSMEYEAH:**Hello?  
**KISSMEYEAH:**I now youre their.  
**KISSMEYEAH:**:Stop hiding.  
**KISSMEYEAH:**Are you ever going to update?  
**KISSMEYEAH:**TALK! Fine. Yourabitch.

Sam closed that conversation and clicked on the next one. It was that KiwiGurl.

**KiwiGurl:**HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! I've missed you. You are my best intente friend you know? So whatcha been doin??  
**KiwiGurl:** It took me forever two find your knew IM addie. Why didcha change it????!!!!  
**KiwiGurl: **I did some of that hacking stuff. I told all of my friends tooo, so you shoulod hear of theme and stuff. :D :D :D :D:D  
**KiwiGurl:** HEY? YOU ON?

"Sam, why are you doing at my laptop?" Frodo asked. It appeared that he had lost the fight in the kitchen.

"You have, well, had six instant messages on here. They kept making noises and I was just curious," Sam replied. "That KiwiGurl did something called hacking' to get your new name."

"WHAT?"

The laptop was instantly snatched out of Sam's hands.

"She wrote a note on my unfinished chapter! IN PINK!" Frodo searched his computer for a few more minutes, and the more he looked the more he wished kept his old username. KiwiGurl and friends had left notes in all of his writing, even those not published on the Net in various colors, and had left "wonderfully made graphics" as gifts in return for their work.

"I'm just glad they didn't delete anything or change my background," said Frodo after a while.

"What's your background?"

Frodo mumbled something.

"What?"

"Alanis Morissette." He turned his laptop around to show Sam. "I found it on some site. I really like it. I'm glad they didn't replace it with a poorly drawn Paint drawing of Dominic similar of one I got in my inbox."

"What did it look like?" Sam asked.

"It was a nude."

Sam's eyes were the size of dinner plates. Frodo managed to laugh at this.

"I deleted it as soon as I saw it. I do have some sane fans, though. They're very nice and link me on their fanfiction sites." Frodo smiled slightly. "I'd really like some nice fanart of my story, but you just don't ask someone to draw it for you. I've tried drawing it myself."

"Can I see?"

".No." Frodo blushed. "I don't think you'd like it, Sam. It has, well-"

"Why do you write stuff like that anyway?"

Frodo was surprised at this question. He coughed and said slowly. "It's just like any other type of writing, Sam. Only we do it the opposite way. Instead of females and males, we just write two of the same kind. It's all about the same material: love, lust, hate, romance, and occasionally odd situations where the two are locked in a closet and have nothing to do but to play Scrabble'."

Frodo stood up and took his laptop with him. "I think after this type of conversation, I think I will have a drink with some Billy and Dominic manipulations."

Sam could only wonder what the manipulations meant. .


End file.
